Time and Suffering and Healing
Lately time has been one of those tools that I have come to appreciate. And, not only appreciate, but understand. I guess I never really thought of it before. What it does for us - whether it's positive or negative. We all take it for granted. It's hard not to do. We believe that we will have time later to do whatever it is we are postponing now. At the same time, we think that things need to be done NOW or else something won't be there later. But we go about our day-to-day lives pushing things off and making (rational or irrational) decisions without any thought as to what time might do if we waited, even just a minute. And if we were to utilize time, we'd probably do it all differently.
In some of my instances, time has allowed me to heal. It has helped me analyze. It has given me the opportunity to think and make logical and rational decisions - on most things and at most times. Typically, I am the type of person who wants something now. I want the decision to be made, I don't have to have to worry about it. I want the item to be purchased. I want the trip to be made. I want the conversation to be had. I just don't like to wait - you could say I'm a bit of a control freak. But, the events that have occurred over the past few weeks have forced me to use the ever so practical tool, time, and I have come to realize how fabulous it can be. Not all the time, but when given a chance, time can give us the strength, the energy, the hope to move forward and move on.
In other instances, time has altered events that have taken place. These events have challenged me as a human. My irrational side has come forth and reared it's ugly head. I'm more confused than ever. Is time really on my side? Did it really heal me? In some cases, yes. But in more current situations, I feel it is nothing but time - there's nothing graceful or remarkable about it. It hasn't given me anything but more grief. I just wanted there to be something, anything that could make all of this go away. All of the suffering - for anyone. For everyone. My heart aches thinking that there are people out there that suffer more than me. Mine is minor in the grand scheme of things. And it doesn't help to place the blame of suffering on time. Nor does it make sense. However, it does help to put some of life's burdens somewhere else. To allow something to give release to the pressure that all of us, at one point or another, have or feel.
It's a constantly changing, constantly evolving life we live in. Day-to-day, minute-by-minute we are trying to work through things without suffering or to somehow simply avoid it altogether. We want pure happiness - and every one of us deserve it. Every single creature on earth has a right to happiness. I want nothing but love and kindness and honesty. I think we all do. There is hate and betrayal all around and it sickens me. It's exhausting me right now. I feel sad for those who are the betrayers, the haters, the liars, the cheaters. Those who are selfish and inconsiderate of the humans. I conclude that at the end of their life, whenever that may be, they will feel worse than I do right now. And that they suffer most because they know deep down that what they are doing is hurtful.
I wanted to make this writing piece about healing. I really did. Maybe I accomplished that. I wanted to write about my challenges and show the world that yes, we can move forward and be happy. That we are all unhappy at times. We all suffer in some way or another. We are not alone in all of this. That time is the one thing that is on our side when we need it most, even if it doesn't feel that way. That we can trust that things will get better and that we will be able to live happily. I am sure this is true. I am sure that things will get better and that this will be the past and I will look back and reflect on it all. Most importantly, I will learn from it. I know in my heart this is true. It's funny, you know. Currently, I'm imagining a field of white daisies on a warm summer afternoon. Not too hot, not too cool. A slight breeze. The smell of flowers and the warmth of the sun. Butterflies are dancing from one flower to the next making it look effortless to live and be. I am a butterfly. I glitter in the rays of the sun, showing off my glorious colors. There are no worries for me as this butterfly, except to prance from one flower to another, and another. With that thought, and until next week, namaste.