Where I'm At In My Personal Growth
I struggled a lot thinking about what to write for this post. In the last post, I talked about our super awesome goal to move to Bali Indonesia as a family and live happily ever after. And, while we are still actively working on that goal, I just didn’t think that anyone would want to hear about it every time I decided to write. (I also didn’t want to write about it every time either.) So, I had to think about what I did want to write about over the course of the next 18 months to 2 years. I’ve researched the heck out of travel/family bloggers, and we’re just not quite to the travel stage yet (although we do travel, just not as often at the moment. And I will post about travel when we do).
So, after much research and thinking and such, this is where I've landed. If you were to ask me what this blog is about, and what I intend to document every two weeks, I’ll answer simply with, an evolution. To document a person's (me) growth along her path to... well, I'm not sure about that yet. I'd like to think that that's the point. I’ll incorporate all the life and family things when appropriate, but I really feel like this is my time. And, as selfish as that might sound, I’m going to be a bit selfish right now. If you follow along on my Instagram, you’ll notice that I’ve started to post more about me and who I am. I have made it a point to be behind the scenes for so many years and I feel like I’m missing out. I’m not making the connections that I want to with the other humans that inhabit this world with me, and I’m not documenting myself in the moments like I am for everyone else. I don't want to be forgotten, nor do I want to forget.
So, here I am. Making strides to show the world who I am. Here it is in the simplest: I am a yogi, a vegetarian, a mother, a wife, and a lover of my family, good books & reads, feel good moments, and all the little creatures that share this world with us. I have a lot of self doubt, and entirely too many emotions. I have a constant dialogue in my head that, literally, never quits (it can get quite comical at times - I wish you could hear it - or, I wish I were quick enough to jot it down). I am always working on my overall perception of humans and I constantly remind myself that we’ve all walked different paths and that most people are inherently good people, no matter our actions or thoughts (unless you’re Donald Trump…. I fucking hate that man. Yes, I said it, and I’m damn proud to say that too. I may or may not rant about this in a later post, but I really try hard not to give a shit about him as he does not deserve any shits at all. But it's really difficult to not scream at NPR sometimes.) My childhood was positively terrible and I still struggle with regrets and fears from my past almost daily. Those memories and events are really and truly what have molded me, and probably the reason for my late revelations (actually, my childhood is the exact reason for why I am who I am today and why I have just now started to find my passions, which makes me really sad sometimes). This is who I am.
My constant evolution and struggles are what makes me, well, me. And a lot of people don’t understand, and that’s ok. They don’t have to and I don't expect them to. Just as I’m sure people don’t understand you (either all the time or sometimes). Or, maybe they misjudge you, as they do me. For instance, I have what has been dubbed a “resting bitch face” (RBF... hahaha!) in which many people mistake my natural face for me being angry or mad. That is just simply not true. Believe it or not, that’s just how I look. LOL! I’m also not one to talk about myself, unless it’s to voice an opinion ;) Depending on the topic, my emotions tend to rage and I can become very opinionated and voice that opinion quite well. I actually really hope that we all have opinions and feel the way about things and topics as I do. It’s what gets conversations going and hopefully, just hopefully, brings to light some of the ideas and concepts we have chosen not to listen to. We all have the ability to mold and be accepting of others, we just have to try.
So, with all that, there’s so much more. And as I take you along on this journey of mine, to Bali and beyond, through this ever evolving heart and soul of mine, I hope that we can grow together as humans. And, as I end this post with tears in my eyes (because that is what I do), I am filled with hope. So much hope that my heart swells with excitement as to what might be next. Here’s to you my friends and fellow humans. Here’s to life.